Today at a work meeting about culture and et cetera, eye contact and respect were brought up.

Like, how Americans think no eye contact means no respect and other cultures think no eye contact is respectful.

And I just.

I have issues with eye contact, and I’m finally realizing where it comes from.

It’s not really that I disrespect you or think the other thing I’m looking at is MORE interesting than you are.

It’s that I’m so easily over-stimulated and that other conversation is just as interesting to me as what you’re trying to tell me.

I have this thing where I feel like I need to know everything that’s going on around me, and if I can’t, I get stressed out.

My family’s get-togethers suck in that respect because when all 40ish of us get together there can be 20 different conversations going and I can’t keep up with each of them and it stresses me out so I bounce from conversation to conversation and get panicky because I can’t keep track.

If there are two conversations going on around me, I can bounce from one to the other without missing a ton of info that I think is important.

But if there are more than three conversations at once, I struggle and shut down.

And if people are talking over someone else, I get pissed.

Today at the meeting I said “Shut up” at least twice because people were talking over the main speaker and that to me is disrespectful. Save your conversation for later and let the speaker talk.

It’s also distracting for people like me who want to know everything that’s going on. If you’re talking while the presenter is talking, it draws my attention off the main thing and that’s not okay.

I’m so easily distracted by things that even when I’m on the computer I “multitask” by bouncing from one project to the next or I watch TV and Internet at once, or like right now I’m eating and typing (which is more because I need lunch and I’m in a hurry to type this before I forget it but still).

It’s not a “that’s more interesting than you” thing for me. It’s a “that’s equally as interesting as you and I need to be doing something all the time and staring at you for a whole lecture or conversation is not how I’m wired” thing.


Either I want to hear everything and get confused, or my brain is overstimulated and I involuntarily ignore everything.



tips for college:

  • no 1 cares if you eat alone in the dining hall
  • dont be scared of upperclassmen they dont care
  • dont raise your hand to go to the bathroom 
  • dont bring a handwritten sick note from ur mom

yeah basically no one cares about you. that’s your job now.